This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
