I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
