I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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