i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
