I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
