my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
