Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize