i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
