I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
