Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
