are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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