it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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