i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
