I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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