He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
