we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
