I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
