Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
