you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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