M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
