your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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