Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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