Walk of Shame. In a state park.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
