If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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