So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
