Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize