Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
