I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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