Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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