he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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