I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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