lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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