We won't sleep together?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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