She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
