ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
