Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize