Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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