I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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