You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
