Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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