I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
