fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
