you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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