he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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