allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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