Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
