I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
