at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
