The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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