I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
