Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
