the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
