Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
