we have officially lost it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
