she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
