She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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