Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Houston, we have a squirter
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
