apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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