I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
