yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
