id be glad to
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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