4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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