So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
