I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
