is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
