Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You ruined the universe
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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